Things Your Accountant Won’t Tell You About Starting A Business

This post is based on LOTS of conversations with entrepreneurs and Angel Investors.

It’s kind of an FAQ for starting/growing a business.

Question – Should I get an office? No, not unless you have revenues.

Question – Should I pay taxes? No. You should always reinvest your money and operate at a loss, plus, the government is useless and will waste whatever money you give them giving it to people who don’t need it.

Question – What’s the best way to sell anything? Show people how they make money/get something: If they pay X now they are buying something worth X * Y. That is the ONLY way to sell.

Question – What is the best way to sell anything? Part II: fear and agitation. Get them afraid (the world is falling apart). Get them agitated (this is the only way to stop it).

Question – Should I ever worry about the news or the economy? Absolutely not. The best businesses are started in horrible economies.

Question – What happened to all of my friends? You don’t have any more friends.

Question – What is the only effective email marketing? Highly targeted email marketing written by professional copywriters, and the email list is made up of people who have bought similar services in the past six months.

NB: If you have zero skills as a copywriter then everything you write will be boring. Use Mark Pocock and save yourself time and make money.

Question – Should I give away stuff for free? Perhaps. But don’t expect free customers to turn into paying customers. Your free customers actually hate you and want everything from you for nothing, so you better have a different business model.

Question – Should I go to industry parties and meetups? No, they are usually full of people who do not run businesses.

Question – Should I blog? Yes. You must. Blog about everything going wrong in your industry. Blog personal stories that you think will scare away customers. They won’t. Customers will be attracted to honesty.

Question – Should I care about margins? No. Care about revenues.

Question – Should I have sex with an employee? If they are hot and you are close to selling your business then yes go for it, otherwise it’s a fast way to lose said business.

Question – If my customer just got divorced, what should I say to him? “I can introduce you to lots of women/men.”

Question – Why didn’t the Angel Investor or customer call back after we met yesterday and it was great? They hate you… sorry.

Question – Should I hire a professional CEO? No. Never. YOU are the CEO goddamit!

Question – Should I hire a Head of Sales? No. The founder is the Head of Sales until at least 10 million in sales.

Question – My client called at 3 a.m. Should I tell him to respect boundaries? No. You no longer have any boundaries.

Question – Should I take a day off on my birthday/bank holidays/my partners birthday? No. If you want days off, get a job.

Question – I made a mistake. Should I tell the client? Yes. Tell him everything that happened. You’re his partner. Not the guy that hides things and then lies about them.

Question – I have too much competition. What should I do? Competition is good. It shows you have a decent business model. Now simply outperform them by kicking their ass at digital marketing or hire us to kick their ass for you!

Question – My wife/husband thinks I spend too much time on my startup? Divorce them and get a new partner (see “should I sleep with my employees) or close your business.

Question – I’m starting my business, but I have relationship problems. What should I do? Get rid of your relationship.

Question – Should I expand geographically as quickly as possible? No. Get all the business you can in your local area. Travel is too expensive time-wise.

Question – I undercharged. What should I do about it? Nothing. Charge the next client more.

Question – I just started my business. What should I do? Sell it as fast as possible (applies in 99 percent of situations). Sell for cash.

Not at all PC but it’s dyed in the wool advice for any aspiring entrepreneur.

Neil