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A Message From President Trump

trumpDear Australia

Due to my winning’est victory last night I am your new overlord

You will find me a benevolent dictator, and unlike your Queen, I promise that I will not require you to sing the new Trump national anthem, that me and Melania are putting together

Like the citizens of Australia, my hot as hell wife Melania is also from Europe and I am all for importing more people like Melania into the USA

Talking of hot ladies

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all Australians for giving us Master chef and Kylie Minogue

Kylie is one hell of a piece of a$$, am I right!

Thank you for sharing her

I have spoken to your leader Tony Abbott and his lap dog Malcolm and they have assured me that they will continue to embrace our consumer ways,

I have suggested to Tony that we can extend the wall we are building into Australia to stop any more poms getting into Australia and Tony has suggested that we can simply turn back the Mexican’s at the border

a sort of “stop the cars policy”

You’re probably wondering what is going to happen to Australia now I am the ruler

First up

I plan to bomb China

Those Chinks have had it too easy for too long and so my first duty will be to bomb them and thus ensure that America stays No 1 for years to come!

That will probably have some knock on effects for you and so you may want to close any Chinese restaurants and most of China town will have to go to


I will be sending all the Mexican’s home, no doubt some of them will decide to come to Australia

This will mean Taco’s… lots of Taco’s

Get used to this


I am going to Ban a couple of things

1. Universal Remotes

I have one and it does not control the universe, I tried and Hilary is still alive

2. The Church

No one should be allowed to pay less tax than I do!


I received a letter from a Pauline Hanson, she has asked me to “please explain” how I pulled this off

It was easy really

I just used my bigly charms and just grab em by the pu**y!

Big D

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